sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
