Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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