sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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