you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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