There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We need to get me chipped asap
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
A bitchslap is in order.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
