she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
