My nipple is on Facebook.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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