so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
