drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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