We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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