Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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