NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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