batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
