He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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