Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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