Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
