i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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