Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
