There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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