I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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