She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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