oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
bring money and cleavage
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
