Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm passing your future prison.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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