Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
