Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
