Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
