You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
