I want to stick my p in your. b.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
