you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
