Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
