we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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