Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
