I met the friendliest cop last night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
