His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize