My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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