You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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