I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
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And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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