You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
