dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she peed on how many people?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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