We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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