I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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