I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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