even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
