my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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