i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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