I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
