My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
