OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
