It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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