Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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