Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
