i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
