yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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