Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
