That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
