Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
