Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
