so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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