So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
