You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
