You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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