Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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