I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
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found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
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I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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