ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
