I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
