remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
