i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
