He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
