I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
